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nymphetXstarlet
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Name: nymphetXstarlet
Expertise: i know the bottom, she said.
i know it with my great tap root.
it is what you fear.
i do not fear it. i have been there.
(Sylvia Plath)
Occupation: Actor
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/1/2005
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| I don't know what has possessed me to come back here. But here I am.
I somehow stumbled across a xanga site this morning, and thought of this page which I haven't updated in... ?
I'm relieved that I don't need this outlet anymore. Thanks to several people and certain incidents, which I won't go in to now, the ED is better than it ever has been, though remnants of it linger, as they probably always will. I eat healthy (most of the time), work out regularly and I don't purge - that seems like a thing of the distant past. Hopefully it will stay there - in the past.
So, why am I here now? I don't know. It feels good to write, though, and maybe in writing I will figure it out...
This is a poem that someone sent me recently. I love it. It is what I want be - free, expressive, without self consciousness or judgement. How beautiful that would be.
The Invitation
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
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| is anyone still out there? | | |
| WOW... it has been a while. Hollywood is pretty sweet - it gets better every day. I do, however, have far too much down time. i've been hiking and going for walks, avoiding the gym like the plague, and spending altogether too much time in bed. depression comes and goes, but i'm trying to beat it back. my weight is up (hopefully not for long) and i've been smoking a pack of cigs a day as well as as much mary jane as i can get my hands on :) i'm sort of like a train wreck right now and i have no idea what will happen from one day to the next but....i don't know... i'm just trying to hang in because, like i said, it gets better every day. I think it's a matter of getting adjusted and establishing a life out here for myself. anyway.... i'm here and i hope to update every once in a while.. take care...
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| i suck.
i ate WAY WAY too much today... and yesterday...
liquid fasting tomorrow... necessary for salvation. | | |
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